Oceans Between Us

          What I feel for you is like nothing I have experienced before. Truth is... I suffer you, but my love endures. You are forever in my heart, and I in yours. I can hear your soul whispering into mine. Your soul is saying, "I was made for you and we are intertwined so do not weep in my absence." My heart replies by saying, "I beat for you, I pound for you, I long for you, I live for you." If only you could feel what I feel when the mere thought of you crosses my mind.

          My chest gets tight, my stomach flutters, and my head spins around to no end. The distance pains me, but love lingers here and provides hope for the weary. True love will always find a way. I keep this thought a reality...I keep this thought as a safe haven in times of fear and doubt.

          You are with me always, we shall never be apart. I long for the day we physically connect, but I embrace the spiritual connection I am experiencing with you. This is evidence that my soul mate has been discovered yet the oceans between us prohibit our bodies from connecting. I can almost feel your presence. I fantasize of the day I catch a glimpse of your smile, I feel your hands run through my hair, I feel your strong embrace, I see a tear stream down your face.

          I lie in bed caressing myself imagining it is you. I drive myself insane thinking of all the things we will do. You live inside of me, there isn't an ocean wide enough to sever the divine connection we have. Worry not my love, I will wait for you. Now that I have found you no other individual on earth will do.

Never Has Been Never Will Be (Part 1)

Is the world so corrupted now that love rarely exists? Are we too hurt to trust? Times have changed and things aren't the same. Finding love is almost impossible now days. You think you found somebody, you invest time into them, you invest money into them, you cut off other people to focus on that person... then BAM everything falls apart. OR you have a person of interest, but you cannot let your guard down. If you don't let your guard down how can you give that person a fair chance though, right? So you decide to be open minded and give that person the benefit of the doubt... only to realize you shouldn't have taken the wall down, you should have waited for them to climb over it.

Everybody deserves to be loved. Everybody deserves to have at least one person who they can trust and depend on. Billions of people in the world and yet there are still good people who are single, good people who are heart broken. So should we give up? WE = the good people who deserve to have somebody, by the way. Should we continue to add bricks to our wall until the wall is so high you cannot see what is on the other side? Should we stay guarded at all times or should we open up to those who seem like they MAY deserve a chance? This world is full of so many games. People act like they have no choice but play with emotions and see how far they can take it with that person. As much as would I like to remain optimistic about love and trust... I continually am proven right. Love is rare & trust is almost extinct. People are too hurt to care about your feelings. People are too selfish to want to make you happy. Don't trust anybody too soon because you never know what their true intentions are. If you have your guard up, keep it up. Letting it down is setting yourself up for pain.

Love is easy to give but hard to receive. LOVE IS: an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Love is easily confused with lust. Love is a chemical reaction. Love is a choice. Love is a gift. If you are fortunate enough to experience this gift, cherish it. If you go searching for love you will not find what is meant to be yours. Love is not fair. Love has been disrupted by hate. Love has been tormented by lies. Love suffers...love dies. They say love is blind... I think love sees what it wants to see. Love sees the good in people. Love believes in others. Love is hopeful. Love is naive. Love is for them, not for me. Never has been, never will be.

Never Has Been Never Will Be (Part 2 - The Poem)

Love is not fair

Love has been disrupted by hate

Love is rare

Love is not everyone's fate

Love has been tormented by lies

Love suffers, love dies

They say love is blind

That's not true in my mind

Love sees what it wants to see

Love sees what somebody could be

Love is hopeful

Love is naive

Love is never boastful

Love is difficult to conceive

Love is for them, not for me

Never has been, never will be

I'm Fake

I have to be honest, even if you don’t like what is said

I am not who I said I am, I am a pretender instead

I put on a fake smile, I act like I care when I do not

I hate being responsible and it excites me that I’ve been shot

I walk with such confidence, but I feel insecure at times

I make an honest living now, but I miss committing crimes

The person I pretend to be misses the real me

The real me is dormant right now, but she is trying to break free

I sit at home so often reminiscing of the old days

I have tamed myself for now, but I still have my old ways

My old ways brought me to a place that has had me stuck for a while

The old days made me who I am but made it hard for me to smile

I’m fake now because I was too real before

Too raw, too cut throat, and I was too hardcore

My mentality was unstable my actions were treacherous

My attitude was rude my behavior was lecherous

You can say I changed my ways, but that’s not really the case

Truth is I’m two people that share the same face

I have led you all on, because I am a manipulator

You all fell for my antics like I’m some sort of facilitator

I’m too smart for my own good, the streets taught me so well

School doesn’t really interest me; I’d rather be out raising hell

You all have been deceived; I do not regret it at all

You should have known the old me was in it for the long haul

I'd Rather Feel High Than Low

I will try to explain this to you

Although I don't fully understand it myself

The urges I get for the things that I do

Cause me to put what's important on the shelf

Sometimes I feel like I'm flying

But I can't seem to get high enough

Other times I feel like I'm dying

I make hasty decisions off the cuff

I've been so hurt that the pain I cannot bare

How can I go on and act as if I am fine?

To deal with this trauma sober, I shall not dare

The best way I can handle it is to incline

Do not attempt to stop me

I hate feeling shackled down

The best thing to do is let me be

I don't mind being the talk of the town

When I am in the streets I feel so free

Certain things I've done I am not proud of

I enjoy the lifestyle I live to a certain degree

Don't judge me for going after what I think I love

This isn't my fault, but you could never understand

This life was unavoidable in so many ways

Maybe things would be different if I had a helping hand

Maybe if somebody cared I could see better days

The feeling I get from it is indescribable

I don't have a care in my life

My connection to it is indefinable

I have rebelled just as Lot's wife

My actions are reckless

My behavior is destructive

One day I will end up breathless

Everything I do is impulsive

I'd rather feel high than low

The night life screams my name

If you haven't been there you wouldn't know

An addiction is not easy to tame

I have my way of dealing with things

I won't judge you for how you deal with yours

I love the feeling of having wings

I dislike being washed upon shores

I could stop if I wanted to

I am having too much fun right now

I am in control, I do what I want to do

I think you are trying to change me somehow

I never want to come down, I like it up here

Nothing can compare to this rush

I'm not the puppet, I'm the puppeteer

I'm not just a queen I'm the royal flush

Life is too demanding and painful

My escape is easy and is satisfying

Reality is a misunderstanding and is hateful

I prefer things breezy and appetizing

I may neglect responsibilities

I consider it avoiding stress

Don't underestimate my abilities

It is my choice to transgress

One day I may stay on the ground

One night I may end up on the moon

Comfort is what I finally have found

I cannot part from this feeling too soon

This is dedicated to anybody who has suffered from addiction