The Path I Chose

        I have changed, I must admit. Change is inevitable. Is change so bad? I've only changed for the better. I am only trying to better myself. When I was out there doing wrong I was trying to better myself, I just went about it the wrong way. All I wanted was to have enough money to be independent, and to help my daddy with his bills. I just wanted a place of my own and to provide everything my kids needed. I had something people wanted and were willing to pay for... they were willing to go broke for it too. They were going to get it regardless, so why not get it from me?

        Through this I learned many valuable lessons. I learned that addiction is one of the most powerful things on the earth. I learned that cocaine is the worst thing that could ever happen to anybody. I learned the value of freedom. I learned how to make $1 out of 15 cents. I learned how to read people. I learned how to run game. I learned how to recognize game. I learned how to stack my money. I learned how to be aware of my surroundings. I learned how society looks down on convicted felons. I learned that once you are in the system you can never get out. These lessons will stay with me forever. At one time I said I would never stop selling drugs. Now I say I will never go back to selling drugs. That profession did not work out. The hours and pay were great, but the lifestyle was not one for a mother. I have been through hell and back, and all because I wanted to be in the streets making money. My intentions were good. I wanted to provide for my family. The police did not see it that way. The judge did not see it that way. I can't blame them, I was a criminal. I was involved in criminal activity. Everything caught up with me. All of the money I made was spent on bail and lawyers. I made some bad decisions. The lifestyle made me a person I did not need to be. I wonder who I would be today if I chose a different path

        The path I chose was optional. I was mesmerized. I put my children on the backburner so I could do what I wanted to do. I thank God I am no longer that person. The path I chose made me who I am today. Looking at me you would never expect this type of behavior. After talking with me you would never expect this type of behavior. I know how to carry myself. At one time I felt like my only regret was getting caught. Well, I didn't get "caught" I got set up. So then I decided my only regret was not being careful enough to know who I was dealing with. Now, I feel like I should have never gotten involved in that, but since I did I might as well find the good in this situation. My thought process changes through life's changing seasons. My actions have changed. I am a different person, but I am better. I am stronger, wiser, smarter, appreciative, more patient, less tolerable for non sense, and I know what it is like in the "real world".

        You can judge me if that will make you feel better. You can voice your opinion if you think it will make a difference. You can disagree if it will make you feel like you are right. I did what I had to do then, and I am doing what I have to do now. Then was then, now is now. Yes, people can change. People do change. Change is inevitable. Change is necessary. Some change for the better, some change for the worse. Some people claim they've changed, but in reality they will always be the same.