Tears of a Liar

They ask me what is wrong every time they see me cry
I tell them I am fine, that is my famous lie

I know I just lied, and they know it too
They are too young to know the truth, so lie is what I do

I tell them I want to be alone, I say I will be just fine
I hate for them to see my tears, I don't want them to hear me whine

I dread the day they grow up and say, I remember her being so sad
They will remember the pain and the anger, and how I always felt so bad

I cry because I am hurt, I cry because I am alone
I cry because I miss a person who I cannot reach by phone

I am sad because the people who are supposed to care most do not even give a damn
I wonder if they dismiss me because of who they are, or if I push them away because of who I am

It is so difficult being in love with a man who lives on the other side of the Earth
I cannot decide if the distance is our problem, or if he fails to realize my worth

I hate my mom because she never gave a fuck about me, she left me when I needed her the most
Now she comes back after 15 years and tells me she loves me, as if we are close

She is a stranger to me! She was never a mom, so I call her by her name instead
How can I act like you did not disown me, abuse me, and then you fled?

My father fought cancer, I thought I would lose him, by His grace my dad came out on top
You would think facing death he would quit smoking and drinking, it is obvious he does not want to stop

There are times I do not cry at all, I fight the tears and I remain strong
On this night it is all too much for me, I have been crying for so long

My kids look at me and ask me what is wrong, I tell them I am okay
They know it is not true and they want to cry too, because I am feeling this way

It is sad to say they are used to seeing the tears, and I am used to feeling them fall
Maybe the tears are not a bad thing,without sadness there would not be any happiness at all

Haunted Soul, Troubled Mind

The rush comes over my mind, just as the sea crashes into the shore
I say I want to be alone, but in reality I want you to want me more

The words come out of my mouth before the thoughts are ever processed
I feel like I am not myself, wondering if it's possible I have been possessed

The emotional trauma from my past haunts my soul, but not my troubled mind
I pray one day love will heal me, and all anguish will be left behind

The way my mind works cannot be explained, nor be understood
I know you want to relate to me...only if you could

The despair I feel day by day cannot be what life is about
I want to cry I want to fight I want to scream I want to shout

The happiness I long for seems to exist in a different realm or plane
I need a sound mind to carry me through, but I always feel insane

The high I feel when I am low is an abnormal chemical reaction
I insist on self-destruction rather than creating a safe plan of action

The backwards thoughts flow like lava erupting from Lassen Peak
I don't always say what I mean or mean what I say, is it truth that you seek?

The compulsive behavior ruins my day, but somehow I just can't quit
I continually obsess unnecessarily, it's preposterous I admit

The instability in my life has become a stable environment
I suppose routine would create normalcy, but normal isn't an entitlement

The troubled mind, the aching heart, and the tortured soul dwell within
I don't know who I would be if this pain had never set in